So today I went to work for the ONE day we get to be in our classrooms. We are now under a "shelter at home" order or we will be by midnight tonight...or tomorrow...or whenever it is! I'm learning so many new vocabulary words during this PANDEMIC! I am also reading so many legal documents to see what I can and can not do. Luckily, so far, the hubby is allowed to work because his job is "essential." As I read through our counties' ruling and then the Dallas County rules again, I am struck with the thought that many many many businesses are still "essential" to our every day life and are allowed to be open. It is really those places where we might "hang out" or spend time visiting with others that are shut down. This is all so new and different. It is definitely not my cup of tea!
Today was hard. I cried several times. My heart is just sad at what is not happening. As I drove by the Jr. High this morning at a time when buses should have been pulling out in front of me and cars should have been anxiously waiting for me to pass so they could turn in to the drive and drop off their kiddo, I began the first of my break downs. The place was dark and too quiet. No cars, no buses, no kids....nothing.... I headed on to Sonic to pick up my daily large water with blackberry and peach then to the cleaners to drop off my laundry. I was going to be at school an hour early even on a late arrival day. Typical me.My youngest child called and asked me to meet her at the new smoothie shop to grab something for breakfast. After much arm twisting, I met her up there. She's a regular there and it was my first time. Then my oldest child showed up and we had a family reunion at 7:30 a.m.! I even was able to see 3 of my grands to start my day. I should have been elated. This should have started my day off better than most days, but sadly, it didn't. Sadly it caused more anxiety. You see, every time I see one of my kids or grands I worry that I might give them this germ that has taken a hold of our nation...really the world...and squeezed all the joy of human connection out of people. I don't so much worry about the kids or grands giving me the virus, even though I am one of the more vulnerable, but I worry about myself carrying the virus to them. Then, worse yet...I worry about carrying something to my parents who are in a higher risk category than I am. All these feelings just seemed to add to the sadness that I felt building up in me today.
First to school, as usual, and I walked in, greeted the janitorial staff and headed up to my room where I was instructed to stay until further directions. Six feet apart at all times from other teachers. No mingling in the hallways or copy room or lounge. (Have I ever mentioned that teachers don't follow the rules very well? Well, we don't!) Soon there was a circle outside my door...six feet or more apart, but our team, circled up and catching up after a week and a half apart. I love my little team. I had missed them. As we sat there talking about the events of this world and the events that our day held before us without students, tears started again rolling down my cheeks. I could not stop them. May I never ever take for granted what a privilege it is to be a teacher and work where I work. Today was hard. Empty desks. Quiet halls. A mere building with teachers without students to teach. Tears.I spent the better part of the day trying to reach my homeroom parents by phone. Asking them questions to assure that their child had access to the online learning platform we will be using. Checking on my kiddos and their parents. Reminding them of all the things that they need to work on and reassuring them that I am just a message away to help. Telling them that I hoped to see their faces again soon. Never have I ever missed a bunch of kids like I am missing these right now!
You see, I usually have the last quarter of school to prepare to let them go...to train them to be a little more independent and self monitoring and to be ready for jr. high. Time to work on those last minute skills before our big state assessment and then time to read a novel for the pure enjoyment of a well written story. Time...that has now been taken away from us. Time that we can not regain. Time that will now be spent through a computer screen.One of the online assignments I am planning on working on with the kids is for them to write their own "I Survived" book. It will be the "I Survived the Pandemic of 2020." Their true story told by themselves. It ought to be fun! I can't wait to read their stories. I'm hoping I can make it all happen like I see it in my head. Maybe we could even bind the final copy of their stories into a collection of personal experiences during the time the "school shut down."
Since I am having my kids write about their experiences during this time, I thought I might do the same. I'm not normally an everyday kind of writer/blogger, but during these days there is just so much to write about. Like the edge of tears all day today that I have felt, followed by an unexpected panic attack...which led to medicine and a long nap. If we are following the cause and effect snowball, you can see why I am still awake at this time of night/morning.I had several things bouncing around in my head as I got ready to start writing tonight and they don't always make sense to me until the end. Sometimes they never really make sense to me but to someone else, they are just what they needed to hear. Well...sorry, I don't have much, if any, wisdom today. I honestly feel spent. Tired. Drained. It's hard to make sure you have covered everything when you are too tired or stressed to do normal functions...like sleeping.
So "shelter at home" is a thing now. I should have plenty of time to write while also figuring out all the ends and out of Google Classroom and other programs we use to present instruction on concepts. Wish me luck!
Have fun out there. Take care of each other. Be safe! Stay home and read something good for your soul!
In Him...Denise
No comments:
Post a Comment