Anxiety

Nothing fancy in my title tonight....or should I say this morning.  It is March 23, 2020.  It should be a regular Monday morning.  I should be getting ready to go back to school after a restful, much needed, spring break.  I should be stressing a little about the two weeks until the STAAR test for my kids.  (Man, I wish that was what I was stressing over.  Never thought I would miss that test!)  I should be thinking about my son-in-law's birthday being today or the fact that this was the actual due date of my oldest daughter, who was stubborn and was born a week later.  LOL!  I should be thinking of all these things.  Really, I should be sleeping right now...12:11 a.m. on March 23, 2020, but that's not happening tonight.

The news has been crazy.  Facebook has been crazy.  Every ounce of media has been bombarded with doom and gloom about this virus.  COVID19, corona virus, the end of life as we know it!  Well...that's what it seems like after listening to the news and reading social media.  It is enough to overwhelm the strongest of us all.  So many I know are struggling.  Scared to leave home.  Scared to go to work.  Scared to go to the store.  Scared to visit family.  Today's newest tidbit is that the gas pumps are carriers of the virus...so now we are scared to pump gas!  I don't mean to make light of it.  I'm scared too.  I admit it.  I'm scared to go visit my parents.  I would hate myself if I gave them anything.  I feel guilty about seeing my grandbabies this past weekend.  What if I carried something to them?  What if they carried something and gave to me?  What if I pass it on to someone more vulnerable than me?  What if?  What if?  What if????

Right now I am typing and listening to some praise and worship music.  It is what has been helping my anxiety.  As I laid in bed with all the news from the day bouncing around in my head I kept singing this song over and over.  If you don't know it, check it out.  It will help your spirit be lifted.   PRAISE & WORSHIP: HOLY WATER  Last night as I listened to it and as many other praise and worship songs as I could before I fell asleep, I created a play list for nights like tonight.  Songs that will remind me about who holds my future in His hands.  Songs to remind me that nothing can separate me from God's love.  Holy Water, God Only Knows, Fear is a Liar, Even If, The God Who Stays, and so many more....songs to calm my spirit and draw me closer to God.

What else has helped?  Honestly, I have watched more online worship services this past week than probably ever.  I watch WFR Church's service often when I miss worship with my KCOC family.  Today I attended both services...it was kind of nice to do the 9 a.m. service with WFR in Louisiana and then 10:30 with KCOC here in Texas.  I also spent some time in Tennessee with the Riverwood church and Martin Pyle, my youth minister back in the day.  Spending time in God's word and with others via Facebook Live stream and messaging helped not to feel so isolated.  The sense of community was strong and greatly needed.  It was a blessing.

One thing that was talked about was keeping that feeling of community even in this time of isolation.  Saturday, myself and several others plotted to help build some of that feeling for our congregation.  I can't take credit for the idea because I saw it on Facebook.  Kim, Joy, Angie, Christy, and I had a blast putting the pictures of all our church family in their "seats" in the auditorium.  It was so much fun to see everyone there!  :)  I know it brought a smile to our preacher's face when he had the congregation there smiling back at him this morning while he encouraged us with God's word.  And no worries...we practiced social distancing the whole time and sanitized everything we touched!  Not hugging was the hardest thing of all!  Oh how I miss hugs!

I'm blessed to not be alone at home.  My hubby has been home most of the week with me due to the rain.  I know his presence has helped keep me calm and centered.  I am thankful for that.  He will be headed to work in a few hours.  So far he still has a job to go to.  He is in construction and is typically alone in his big machine that he operates.  His job is also deemed an "essential" job right now.  I pray he continues to get to work.  We have struggled a lot these past few months and any emergency fund we had is gone now.  I do worry about him though.  He just got over pneumonia.  His system is weakened and can't afford to be exposed to something that will compromise it.  However, he is not afraid.  MEN!

I'm just going to be honest.  This has been the worst spring break ever.  It rained every day and we were pretty much sent to our rooms by the government and told we couldn't hang out with any of our friends.  Also, I think I thought about school more during this break than I ever do during spring break.  Virtual learning will start on Tuesday.  I have no idea what that will look like yet.  I miss my kids already.  ALL 90 of them!  I do hope I get to see them again before the year is over.  I pray this does not continue much longer.

I don't have any words of wisdom or analogies to share.  Life is tough right now.  Things are uncertain.  Jobs have been lost.  People are sick and scared.  Families are separated.  Churches are forbidden to meet.  Toilet paper is missing!  (People have gone crazy!)  Life is just crazy right now.  But in thinking about this "time out" we have been given I hope we find the time to do some of the things we have been putting aside because of our busy schedules, like...reading.  I have a stack of books to read!  Arts or crafts...I have an unfinished blanket I have been crocheting that needs finishing and I have thought about taking my camera for a walk around our place if it gets dry enough to walk around outside again.  It's been a while since I took pictures of nature for fun.  Maybe it is a phone call to a friend you have wanted to reach out to and you just haven't had the time.  Now you do!

What if we all took this "time out" and invested the time in becoming better.  Spend more time with God in prayer and in His word.  Spend more time with your family...playing games, telling stories, creating memories.  Spend time resting and focusing on becoming a better you.  And during this time I think God has given us an opportunity to adjust some of our priorities.  What are you missing the most?  What are you most worried about not being able to do again?  Me...I miss my family.  I need more time with them.  I also miss the ability to go to worship.  I had been missing more than I should and now not being able to go makes me realize how much I really miss it and my church family.  Take your anxiety and and turn it into something for good.  Don't let it steal this time that God has given us to slow down and grow closer to Him and to those we love.

We will make it to the other side of this.  There will be better days.  Life will go on...so let's make it the best we can.  Love to you all...

In Him...Denise