Charlie horse...Gallbladder...and Children

ARGGGGGGG!!!!! OWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!  HELP!  HELP! HELPPPPPP!

My poor husband was awaken to these sounds about 3 a.m. today.  I'm sure my screams were worse than my words can describe.  Oh the pain!  I hate having a charlie horse.  I hate that sudden attack and inability to move and worse yet, the helplessness it causes me to feel.

Flashback a week ago...steady uneasiness and uncomfortable feeling.  Can't get comfortable.  Can't decide what's wrong until it is too late.  First, awaken with pain in my back.  Did I sleep wrong?  Lay on heating pad...no help...starting to feel a heaviness in my right side, under my ribs.  Indigestion...but nothing helps. "OH NO!  NOT AGAIN!" runs through my head.  Tums, muscle relaxer, pain medicine....please...please don't be another gallbladder attack.  PLEASE!  Then the pain becomes more.  Inability to sit, or stand, or lay down, or move without pain.  Stretch out, curl up, walk, lay still, repeat.

My poor husband once again is helpless.  Watching me pace.  Watching me rock.  Then the nausea...and getting sick.  Sicker than I have been since having morning sickness years ago.  Laying on the bathroom floor (which in a travel trailer is hard...lol), wishing I could get up but then not wanting to move.  Finally...the nausea passes and I can get up and move to my chair again.  Ice pack.  Ice pack on my right side, under my ribs, with pressure.  Heating pad on my back.. Ice on my stomach/gallbladder.  Curled on my left side in my chair...pass out from exhaustion.  Sleep.

Again, helplessness takes control.  This attack wasn't sudden.  This one was slow and steady in progressing.  This one announced its coming but still left me helpless.  This one laid me out flat and attacked my whole body.  This one left marks on my eyes...tiny dots showing how hard and violent the attack had been.  It left me sore.  My arms felt like I could not move them.  Lack of oxygen?  Dehydration?  I don't know, but the pain was such that I could not even type.  Moving my fingers even hurt.  Helplessness...

When God laid these thoughts on my heart today to write about...the thought of children also was whispered to my heart.  Charlie horse, gallbladder and children?  What????  How in the world do these things go together? What was He trying to tell me?  One came on suddenly...one slowly.  Both are painful.  Both left me feeling helpless.  Then it hit me...as a parent there are so many times that we feel this same helplessness.  Sleepless nights, long days filled with fits and crying, illnesses that you can't figure out, injuries that come suddenly, heartbreaks, mean girls, school struggles, growing pains, boys...  Some events come on suddenly.  Some we see coming and they can't be stopped.  Some totally blindside us.  The teen years are a good example of that!  As much as we try to prevent or manage the events, some just leave us lying on the floor, exhausted and broken from the daily struggle to hold it all together.

The thing that I have learned through all of these is that there is only one way to overcome the helpless feelings that consume me.  It usually only happens when I am lying on the floor, overcome with pain, or at the bottom of my ability to cope.  What is it?  What do I do?  It is the most simple thing but for some reason it seems so hard.  It takes a total  "knock me off my feet" situation to make me turn to the only cure for the pain.  Jesus.  Cry out to Jesus!

In the midst of my gallbladder attacks...JESUS!  In the middle of a charlie horse...JESUS!  When I am at a loss as to how to help my child in her moments of need...JESUS!  When I am feeling alone, and totally isolated...JESUS!  When the world seems to have it's target for trouble set on me...JESUS!

I often pray.  I pray silently many times a day.  I talk out loud to God daily.  But to actually say the name of JESUS out loud has power!  So many songs come to my mind:  "Cry Out to Jesus," "All Hail the Power of Jesus' Name," "In Christ Alone," "Jesus Messiah,""Jesus," and so many more!
https://worship-songs-resources.worshiptogether.com/music/Name-Of-Jesus-Songs

All of these point to the power of simply speaking the name of Jesus. The power of crying out to Jesus is mighty.  His name healed the lame, caused the blind to see, and has forgiven sin.  His name will cause every knee to bow and causes even demons to tremble.

This I have learned, in the middle of pain, in the middle of sadness, in the middle of depression, in the middle of defeat... JESUS.  Cry out His name...even if it is a whisper...say His name aloud.  Some days all I can do is whisper this song aloud as I cry...

Jesus, Jesus, Jesus
Sweetest name I know
Heals my every longing
Keeps me singing as I go...


Say His name...there is power there for the helplessness and the hopelessness of this world and for you.

In Him,
Denise

What's In a Name?

When deciding to try this writing a blog thing again I knew I would need a new blog.  It would need a new name and somewhat of a new focus.  My other blog, "Fingerprints and Stray Hairs," has a lot of my personal struggles and stories and is private.  Only a few people have been able to read it because it has been such a personal journey in writing.  I had been fearful of people reading my writing.  I played with the thought of just adding to it and opening it up publicly, mainly because I really love the title of the blog.  I found the title in the book, Inkheart.  It came from a character's library that was to be left untouched and perfect for fear of "fingerprints and stray hairs" messing up the collection. Perfection!  Something people strive for but rarely attain!  I knew then as I know now, my life is FAR from perfect and is filled with fingerprints and stray hairs from those who have left their marks on my life.  I wouldn't want it any other way.

Thus, I knew I needed a fresh start and a new focus.  This one will be telling some of my crazy stories and life experiences but maybe not into my personal struggles as much...but who knows!  I only write about what is personal to me.  It's all I have!  I've never thought my "stuff" was very interesting but the more I tell my stories and my struggles, the more people tell me to write.  I do believe that a person's testimony is what makes others find hope in the one that is my only hope.  If my struggles or victories can lead someone closer to God, then I will gladly share my story.

So...a new name?  What's in a name?  Why does it matter?  When trying to figure out what to call this new blog, coming up with a name wasn't that tough.  I had some help with it several weeks ago during a school board meeting for Sonshine School, a preschool at our church.  Several of the wonderful ladies laughed as I told my story about the outfit I had on that day.  You see, we had been inundated with rain for a few days and my rain boots were still on my feet that evening after a full day of work.  Let me give you a little background...especially for those who do not know our story....

We live in our travel trailer!  We moved in the first week of  August 2018, with this great plan to pay down debt and prepare to build a new house.  (I honestly believe someone laughs every time we make a plan...there is another story there...)  We built a barn for the trailer to have some protection from storms but have not finished our drive due to life circumstances... again, another story for later.  Most of the time rain is not a big deal but when it rains for more than a day and multiple inches, we have a problem.  That day was one such day!

Due to the rain, our middle daughter had agreed to pick me up for work instead of my trying to drive my car out of what I affectionately call the "mud bog."  I dressed for work, put on my mud boots and threw my shoes in my bag to put on at work.  Coffee in hand, bag on my shoulder, I hiked across the pasture/mud bog in the dark of early morning (6:30 a.m) to the gate and my daughter's car.  We laughed about my outfit and how I hoped I grabbed the right shoes because of how "cute" I looked in my mud boots!  (Foreshadowing of things to come...)

Fast forward...I got to work, where I teach 5th grade, and began getting things ready to begin the day.  I finally sat down and grabbed  my shoes from my bag to put on....and this is what I pulled  out of my bag!  Not just two different colored shoes but two LEFT SHOES!  There was no way I could even wear the mixed matched shoes.  I just had to laugh!  I now would be wearing my rain boots all day with my outfit!

No one really noticed, or if they did they didn't say anything.  It had been raining and luckily my boots are cute!  (Thanks Hubby!)  When I sat down at our board meeting that evening and my oldest daughter saw my boots, she just laughed.  I had to tell her the story.  Then told it again to the group when they asked.  We all laughed and talked about it being another crazy story for our "Adventures in Travel Trailer Living!"  And then those words...."You should write a book!" came from not just one of the ladies but a couple.  One even said, "You could call it 'Two Left Shoes!' "

So that's it...that's where the name came from, except for one problem...that title is already taken as a blog.  I played with several ideas but then added the "rain boots" to it.  They seemed like an appropriate addition.  They are an important part of our story.  They have played a big role in this life we are living.  They will probably make a guest appearance more than once as this story evolves.  They allow me to live here.  They allow me to get through some of the downpours and the muck and mire of life.  They help me keep my footing when things get a bit slippery.  They have been a lifeline between my husband and I during some dark and rainy days.  It's funny how these boots are so important to the happiness we strive for.  They go with me just about everywhere.  If you look in my car today, they are there just waiting for me to need them again.  I always panic when I realize they are not with me on those dark, rainy days!

I can't help but see a connection between these boots and my Father in heaven.  My lifeline!  My steady footing in a rocky, mucky, and mired world!  The waterproofing of our marriage on those really stormy days!  My go-to source when I have no one and no where to turn when stuck in sadness or depression!  I can't imagine my life without Him.  I dare not go anywhere without Him.  He is the reason I can stand on solid ground when everything around me seems to be shaken and falling apart, mired with loss or confusion.  He steadies my steps when I start slipping because of the trials and troubles that come.  He is my protection in the storms!

Whether life is making you pull out your rain boots or it's been a day of two left shoes...laugh, pray and remember who is always there waiting for you to reach out again for His guidance and protection.  He is our Father...lovingly waiting to hear from us on those sunny days and the stormy ones.  He will steady your steps.  He will be your shelter in storms.  He will get you through the mud and muck and help you find your solid ground again.

For Him....
Denise

New Year...New Blog!

It is crazy how things continue to bounce around in your head until you finally have to listen to it!  Then...if you don't listen, God seems to use other people to start speaking those words out loud to you.  The result?  This new blog!  This one will be public.  This one will be not just for me to process my feelings and emotions.  This one will be for those who choose to read my crazy writings.  This will be for those who keep pushing me to write again.  This will be for my friends who continually stand beside me and support this crazy adventure my husband and I have been on these past few years.  And...if God sees to making it happen, this will be the beginning of a book that so many keep telling me to write.  I have no idea how to write a book but I do ramble about my crazy life well.

So, here goes nothing!  Welcome to the new blog!  I ask that you keep me honest.  Respond...share...laugh with me...cry if needed, but remember this is from my walk through this life as we know it.  A walk in MY shoes...whether they be my rain boots to battle the storms that come our way or the two left shoes I grab hold of when I get it all wrong while trying to do my best!  No matter what, this will be an adventure for anyone wanting to tag along. Grab your boots, some tissues, or some popcorn...and maybe your Bible...I never know where a post might take us.