Anniversaries...

 Sorry to disappoint you if you were checking in to read some happy tribute to some couple on their happy day. Well, I can give you a little of that. Tomorrow (or today for those who are reading this on August 9) is my oldest daughter and her husband’s 13th wedding anniversary. I think they have been together for 18 total years but I could be wrong. It might be 19. It is a joyous occasion! We were greatly blessed when we gained our first son. His mom and I did a really good job setting our kids up together. We take credit for it every year!  Lol!  So yes...happy anniversary baby girl and son in love!  May God bless you with many more happy years! 

But their anniversary was marked with sadness and loss a year ago. Our poor kids. This day now holds some of our happiest and sadness memories. 

It was a Sunday night a year ago and we had settled into our evening routine. Pjs on and a Sunday night movie or show on the tv. I was working on things for the new upcoming school year and thinking about what all I needed to do the coming week. I had missed some days of prep time with my uncle’s funeral a few days before and I was stressing a little. Then the phone rang...

Screaming 

Mom?

Screaming...dad...brother...screaming...

Mom?  I’m on my way!  What’s happened?

Screaming...found your brother...

I yelled at my hubby. He jumped in his truck and took off up the road to my parents’ house. I had to get dressed and was still listening to my mom and trying to make sense of what she was saying. I hung up. Jumped in my car and started calling neighbors for help. They could get there before me. I flew to their house. I don’t know who I called or what I did but when I pulled in and walked to the house it all became so unreal.  Please God, don't let this be happening!

My husband was with my dad and our neighbor at the fence. Dad was distressed. My husband looked at me and shook his head. He was telling me what I didn’t want to know. He was telling me to stay away. I went into the house and found my mom. Again, our neighbors had gotten to her for me. I don’t know how to explain those moments. I don’t think I can. I never have seen my mom that way. I sat and held tight to her and then had to go straight into “take care of things” mode. Phone calls...called family, called minister, called friends, called my girls...called my baby brother...screened calls and messages coming to Mom's phone. Checked on Dad. Another memory I never wanted to have. How could this be real?  How could my brother be...dead? 

We had buried my mom’s brother 3 days before and now we were facing my brother’s death. It has taken me a year to be able to type that or say those words  “my brother’s death.” It’s just unbelievable.  That night is forever burned into my memories.  My uncle came and sat with my mom and just held her.  They had just buried their brother and now this. 

Friends and family members...close friends...started arriving at the house. My oldest daughter, who’s anniversary was that day, came and helped me take care of my mom and dad.  I suspect she was taking care of me too.  

I don’t know what all happened over those next several hours.  I watched investigators come and question my dad as to what had happened.  We honestly don’t know.  My brother fought many demons in his life.  He struggled with hard things and maybe the loss of my uncle was too much for him. He had been in his trailer (he lived in his travel trailer beside my parents’ home) and not been over to see Mom and Dad for a couple of days.  They were worried and Dad went to check on him.  

I hurt for my dad.  My heart aches for my mom.  They spent their lives helping him survive his struggles.  We miss him.  It’s not a secret that he and I were not the closest of siblings but we had made some major steps in the right direction over the last couple of years.  Losing him just when things were somewhat better makes it even more hard.  I feel cheated.  My baby brother...well, he’s struggling too with the loss of his big brother and partner in crime growing up.  

This one year anniversary starts sometime tonight...sometime between the afternoon of the 8th and the evening of the 9th my brother left us for another life.  It’s hard for me to sleep tonight just remembering how he must have struggled.  There’s a song called “There was Jesus” that always makes me think of him.  I pray that he saw Jesus when he left us. I pray he is with him now because only our God could know the struggles that my brother faced and the battles he fought.  I pray that he is celebrating a healthy and happy year with Jesus. 

Bubba...we are one year closer to seeing you again.  I hope you feel all the love that is here for you.  Hug Papa and GrandMary and get Uncle Jim and play us some guitar music.  I bet Papa has some friends around that can grab a fiddle and a banjo too!  That’s how I am going to think of you tonight!  No harp music in heaven tonight just some good ol’ southern guitar and blue grass. 

RIP...WTS...8-9-2020