NOT NORMAL...

Not really sure about writing tonight...or is it morning...  I can't sleep and that usually means my mind is too busy bouncing thoughts around to actually shut off for awhile and sleep.  Well tonight/today...I got nothing....  Forgive my country girl grammar, I'm not feeling very prim and proper right now.  I'm not really sure what I'm feeling.  Have you ever been there?  Felt this way?  You know...like you want to scream, or yell, or maybe cry, or laugh?  You might even just want to curl up and sleep all day or you are wide awake and totally unsettled but you don't know why?  Well, that is me right now.  I don't really know how to feel tonight.

Yesterday, since it is almost 1:00 a.m. now, was Easter Sunday.  Resurrection Sunday as we call it!  Which normally means everyone goes to church because it is a special Sunday.  It is the day when much of the world stops for a moment to remember that Christ died for our sins and on the third day was resurrected.  Our church celebrates this every Sunday with communion, but on this one Sunday all Christians remember this together.

In today's world it also means new pretty dresses for little girls with their new summer sandles, and for little boys maybe their first suit or a really nice color coordinated shirt and pants to match dad or mom. It means family pictures in our coordinated outfits either in the bluebonnets or some other pretty spot.   It means seeing family for Sunday lunch after worship and then a fun filled egg hunt for the kids.  In our family it also means seeing those cousins you only see once a year and trying to smash confetti eggs on their heads before they can smash one on your's!  It means spending time with family for a few short hours until the kids get tired and it is time to go home and take naps and sort through all the candy filled eggs.

But, yesterday was different.  None of those things happened like normal.  Oh, there were pretty dresses and coordinating shirts.  There were little egg hunts and family meals.  There were church services, just on the internet instead of in person.  I even saw some family pictures that were taken, but not necessarily in the bluebonnets or even in Easter clothes.  I'm sure people got Easter baskets and talked about the Easter bunny.  I'm sure some of those things still happened, but just not like normal.

NOTHING HAS BEEN NORMAL!  I watched two church services this morning.  One was on Facebook Live from a church in Louisiana and the other was on YouTube from our home church.  I chatted with other church members via the chat application on the two computer programs.  We prayed, had communion and even sang, as well as heard the lesson from God's word for the week.  I just did all of that, though, in my pjs, sitting in my recliner, drinking my coffee.

I saw my grandchildren and sort of saw all of my daughters.  However, it was only in pictures, Snapchat and Facetime on the phone.  I talked to my momma, but it was only through a text.  I told my friend Happy Easter...but it was through a text also.  And my poor grands had an egg hunt, but only with their siblings, not with their cousins like normal.  No family pictures this year.  No confetti eggs and family eggs fights.  No family dinner with the great-grandparents, aunts, uncles and distant cousins.  No worship service face to face.  No actual human contact at all.  My hubby even picked up groceries today....we shopped online and just drove up and received our groceries and drove home.  No browsing of the aisles and shopping bargains.  Nope.  Nothing has been normal.

This lack of human contact is not easy, even for those of us who do like our quiet alone time.  I like to hide away in my house and just be...quiet...for a while.  I need those days of less outside stimulation and more of my inner peace and rest.  But, we are starting WEEK 5 of being home and like most people like to call it, "quarantined!"  We really aren't quarantined, but we are "sheltered at home" which basically means, DON'T GO ANYWHERE UNLESS IT IS AN EMERGENCY or if you have what is now referred to as an "essential" job.  So for many people it has been a long time since they have had actual human contact with someone else.  Think about that for a minute.  No hand shakes.  No face to face conversations. No school.  No entertainment.  No hugs.  No sports.  No interaction that involves "touching" someone else.  It is WEIRD!  And I pray this is NOT our new normal.  People are wearing masks that cover their faces and gloves to protect their hands from germs.  I have antiviral/antibacterial wipes in my car to wipe down everything any time I get in or out.  Hand sanitizer is a MUST and is carried everywhere you go.  Things are just crazy weird right now!

The talk has been about what things will be like as we "open our economy back up."  You know me, I just was thinking life would go back to regular life.  However, the more I listen to the news (which is a bad thing to do during a pandemic) the more I think we may have a new normal now.  Things I have heard:  Will we be tracked or identified by if we have the antibodies for this virus or not?  Will we be required to wear face coverings/masks in large gatherings?  Will some things not be reopened?  Will people be scanned with some type of thermometer when they enter buildings to determine if they are healthy enough to be around others?  Will things become more of a military state with enforcing the social distancing rules?  (People in Kentucky were cited for being at a place of worship today and there were several consequences listed for this citation.)  Will this become something that we will have a vaccine for like the flu and we will be able to go back to normal?  The questions go on and on and on ....and if I let myself dwell on them I can get very anxious and sad.

Here is what I do know.  God does not change.  Jesus is still the same today as He was before this pandemic started and He will be the same when it is over. (Hebrews 13:8)  He has not forgotten or forsaken us. (Deuteronomy 31:6) He has not turned his back on us.  He still loves us and He is still in control of all that is going on in this world today.  I know some of you are like me and you have that thought pop into your head...you know...that one you should NOT have.  That thought that says, "Well, if He is in control then WHY hasn't He done something about this by now?"  I ask myself that a lot.  I don't know why God allows these bad things to happen.  I wish we did get to live in that utopia that was the Garden of Eden, where there was no evil, or pain, or sickness, and I'm sure that means there was no virus that attacked them from out of the blue.  But we don't get to live in that perfect place.  We will have to have a conversation with Eve one of these days...and with Adam.  Both are guilty in my book for this fallen world that we live in today.

When these bad things have happened in my life, things like the job losses that we have been through, or the unfair situations that have happened, I try to find the lesson or the good that is coming from it.  Let me tell you...there is good in this pandemic.  I've seen it!  Parents are getting to stay home more with their children!  Children are getting to learn from their parents!  Children are getting to live in a slower paced, more relaxed setting (hopefully...I know it is not true for all of them).  Parents are getting to work from home instead of fighting the traffic and making the hour commute to work and back each day.  Neighbors are speaking to each other more because families are going outside to "get out of the house" and "do something."  People are building relationships with their neighbors!  People are reaching out and calling each other instead of just sending a text.  People are delivering groceries and supplies to families to help make it through this time.  I've even seen people join the online worship services that have not set foot in a church building in years, but they are joining in online!  I've heard the news mention that air pollution is less, the skies are clearer than they have been in years because there are not as many cars on the road.  Gas prices are lower than they have been since my girls were little.  I've heard it described as like someone hit the "reset" button and we are all paused while the system reboots.

There are so many other good things happening in the midst of all this pandemic and the bad that we keep hearing about.  People are sick and dying and we do need to do what we are asked to do to help stop the spread so we can get back to normal sooner than later.  But let's really think about normal and what we want it to look like.  Maybe some things did need to change.  Maybe this is a time that we look at our lives and what we are really missing or what we are really enjoying and as we reboot the system, we choose what becomes our new normal.

Just remember, my friends, God is with us.  He has not changed.  He has not left us alone.  He will get us through this crazy time and He will be with us as we venture into the new that will come.  I don't know about you, but that gives me HOPE!  And as long as we have hope we have something to offer this world....let's start by being Jesus to those who need Him the most.  We will get through this together...with God.

(Wow...I didn't know where this was going tonight...hope it makes a little bit of sense.)

In Him,
Denise